On Becoming Illegal. You'll love this!

On Becoming Illegal. 
You'll love this! 

Becoming Illegal (Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator) 

The Honorable Tom Harkin 
731 Hart Senate Office Building  
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC , 20510

Dear Senator Harkin, 

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which YOU voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out. 
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications , as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums .. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become     illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance. 
Your Loyal Constituent, (hoping to reach 'illegal alien' status rather than just a bonafide citizen of the USA ) 

Donald Ruppert 
Burlington , IA  
Get your Forms (NOW)!! 
Call your Internal Revenue Service at 1-800-289-1040
(Please pass this on to your friends so they can save on this great offer.)


Team Tolson said...

and if ICE does decide to deport you. a big if. you will get deported back to IOWA.

Hoosier Daddy said...

lol dont forget your exit tax, you must pay an exit tax if you have accumulated enough wealth. I like americanselect as well, I am a recovering republican, I am fiercely independent now and am no longer drinking the Party's Kool aid. No real party in the history of America ever cut taxes and engaged in wars, ever. Ross Perot could have started a third party, but he didnt. Last figures I seen was the federal government was larger under Bush than Obama, I gotta look that one up, course Reagans was larger than both, I voted Reagan, we dont have leaders like him anymore. bill

Hoosier Daddy said...

Hi joe, yup your right, it was President Reagan I was thinking of. He had over 5,289,000 federal employees, quite a bit more than either President Bush or President Obama. www.opm.gov was where I found it. Dont know where I misplaced it in my bureau labor statistic info. bill

Robert Lauer said...

The truth in eloquence!!!!

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand."
Albert Einstein